Krista here! One of the questions I get asked all of the time is how to deal with a partner who is not spiritual. It’s important to understand what’s happening when you’re having a spiritual awakening and your partner is not. In a recent solo episode and this post, I dive deep into the do’s and don’ts and discuss red flags to be wary of.
Here’s my solo episode!
In this post you’ll learn:
- Krista Williams’ relationship journey regarding her spiritual path
- The definition of the spiritual ego and how to be aware of it
- What to do if you perceive your partner to be less spiritual than you
- What you shouldn’t do if you perceive your partner to be less spiritual than you
- How to know if you should end your relationship
- Red flags in a relationship that could impact your spiritual growth
Krista Williams’ Journey In Spiritual Relationship
I am now married to my amazing husband Justin, but I have been in many long-term relationships. During my early 20s, I felt like I was having my spiritual awakening and my then partner was not. I was choosing to meditate, read spiritual texts, and overall just transform my life, but I was in this relationship where I felt like I was never going deep— and I am deep.
I felt like I was being more spiritual and growing more than him. We just weren’t on the same page and our interests were changing, so the relationship had to end because we had value-based differences. What I was valuing at the beginning of the relationship shifted as my life changed.
I have been with Justin for 10 years and he is a part of my spiritual journey. One of the reasons I was attracted to Justin was because he was open to spirituality. We have both changed so much and there was a period of time where I felt like I was more spiritual than him.
It would drive me crazy when he would play video games and be on his phone because in my eyes that was not the right spiritual path. It felt like I was the only one who was propelling the growth of our relationship.
Now I see things differently. The Law of One is a spiritual text that says you can only provide catalysts for change, but you cannot change people. What I had to do was completely disengage from this need to control and change Justin.
I had to take back all of my energy, stop worrying about him and start working on myself through really implementing the work into my life. The whole “I’m right and you’re wrong” mentality is nothing but your spiritual ego — something I needed to learn.
Krista Williams On What Is Your Spiritual Ego?
The spiritual ego is created once spirituality is found. It is the last of the ego before an ego death that gets us addicted to spiritual learning and then we mistake our knowledge for spiritual progression. We acquire knowledge without integration.
The spiritual ego comes out and is so present in the world and online. It is something I have struggled with, but when we go beyond wrong and right, you see that spirituality is the acceptance, loving, and surrender of wherever your partner is at this space, time, nexus.
If we are talking about real spirituality, what matters is how much we love and accept people regardless of where they are and their differences.
If your partner has the ability to love, if they have the ability to have an open heart, then they are innately spiritual. It might not be expressed the same way as you with yoga, journaling, and meditation, but it doesn’t matter what they believe or don’t believe, as long as they can have an open heart with you.
It is your job to see past your spiritual ego because we are not in control of anyone’s paths. The best way to have people change is to demonstrate it in your life. From a quantum physics perspective, your vibratory state can affect others around you. So being in the highest vibrational state can be the most significant way that I continue to make a quiet revolution.
Krista Williams’ Dos In A Relationship
1. Lead by example (don’t preach to convert).
There is nothing as nauseating as a person trying to proselytize others, so don’t be pushy with your beliefs and outlooks. Walk the talk instead. If you’re vibrating on a high level, your partner will likely be curious about what you’re doing and will want to be on your path. But they have to find their own way.
2. Find and focus on the similarities between you and your partner.
Do this regardless if they’re on the same spiritual path as you. This will always lead to alignment and connection.
3. Find your community and group — women with women.
Finding and cultivating community has been incredibly helpful on my journey and has allowed me to talk about all of the things to someone other than my partner. When we find that aligned community there is a power of healing and connectivity.
4. Regularly express your love, commitment, and affection (which itself is a spiritual practice).
There is nothing less spiritual than withholding love. Share your love and be loving and playful because this is the essence of spirituality.
5. See your relationship as a “school of life” and your partner as a teacher in disguise.
So much self-knowledge and spiritual growth can occur within relationships, regardless of how “spiritual” they are. Your partner will mirror your greatest hidden strengths and also your most feared shadows. So see your connection as sacred without being overbearing.
6. Honor what stage your partner is at.
Be careful of seeing yourself as more spiritually “advanced” than your partner (which leads to an inflated ego). Choose to see both of you at different levels on the spiral of growth.
Understand that your partner may be more developed in some areas of life than you and vice versa. There is nothing less spiritual than feeling like you’re better than someone else because you have acquired knowledge.
7. Seek to meet each other at an equal level.
Always come to curiosity and acceptance of where they are at. When we think about our highest visions of our lives for what we want, we should also have and hold the highest image for our partner for expression and for the person they’re meant to be.
We must hold the space for their highest timeline to be fulfilled, whatever that looks like, and even if it is not with us.
Krista Williams’ Don’ts In A Relationship
1. Don’t pressure your partner to adopt the same spiritual beliefs or practices as you.
They must ultimately decide for themselves. So be cautious of trying to deprive them of that empowered choice no matter how zealous you feel. Honor their free will.
2. Be careful of harboring a negative critical attitude toward your partner just because they are different.
Remember that we are all at various levels of spiritual awakening. When the time comes (if it comes) your partner will awaken too.
3. Don’t get lost in rose-tinted ideals and fantasies about who your partner “should” be spiritually speaking.
Wanting or expecting your partner to be anything other than what they are is a recipe for disaster. Accept the full package of your partner (strengths and flaws alike).
Beware of the toxic comparison that makes you feel like you should both be on the same page about everything, like “other people.” Beware of the toxic comparison that makes you feel like you should be posting pictures of yourself and your partner on Instagram doing something “spiritual” like yoga or going on week-long meditation retreats together like “other people.”
4. Don’t rely exclusively on your partner for spiritual nourishment.
This point may seem obvious, but you’d be surprised by how many people out there expect their partners to be “all things and everything.” Take that burden off your partner and find a local spiritual group (or at the very least, one online) where you can express the spiritual side of yourself.
Your partner can be a great teacher for you, but there are other practices and relationships where you can spiritually nourish yourself.
Krista Williams On How To Know If You Should End The Relationship
It is possible that you can have a healthy, loving relationship where you see each other and it may not be right for you because your core needs are not being met. If you absolutely feel in your heart of hearts that you need a partner who is on the same page as you spiritually, that is one of your core needs. And you need to pay attention to it.
This will lead you to a powerful transformation. But this is something that only you know if your partner is right for you. Your heart will know.
Red flags in a relationship that can adversely impact your spiritual journey:
- They get angry when you dedicate time to your spirituality.
- Your partner tries to prevent you from practicing your spiritual path.
- They have created a spoken or unspoken “ultimatum.” I.e. “it’s me or your spirituality.”
- Your partner frequently criticizes your spiritual beliefs.
- You feel the need to “hide” your spiritual practice and do it in secret.
- You feel pressured to believe/follow what your partner believes.
- You’re afraid of sharing your spirituality for fear of being judged or rejected.
We have to remember that the most spiritual thing is love. If your partner has the ability to love, they are innately spiritual. It doesn’t matter what they believe (or don’t believe) so long as they are able to open their heart to you.