Feeling competitive with other women. Mistrusting other women. Being afraid to speak your truth around other women. Acting like the “cool girl” to fit in with guys. Thinking or saying, “I’m not like those other girls” to distance yourself or dismiss your power as a woman.
This is all so deeply ingrained in us as women. We’ve been conditioned — by society, the movies we watched as kids, the magazines we read as teenagers, our own experiences with our mothers, sisters, and girls from middle and high school — to mistrust or fear other women. This all manifests into the female friendship, which so many of us have experienced.
The female friendship wound is the pain, subconscious beliefs, and coping mechanisms that manifest in early female relationships that you carry with you now and into your current female relationships. It’s a really beautiful, powerful wound that deserves your love and attention.
In the last few years especially, we have both been really digging in, exploring, and working to heal our female friendship wounds. We both experienced this wound in different ways. For Krista, it always came back to a lack of trust, which was tied to the Mother Wound. For Lindsey, it was about not feeling safe to express herself out of fear of judgement or rejection.
Our friendship with each other put a mirror up to these wounds. Now when they come up, we have awareness around them so we’re able to work through them without shame or judgement. It’s actually kind of fun!
Through this journey, we’ve realized the DEEP healing power of being in female friendship. We now surround ourselves with women who we trust and who we can be completely ourselves with. We express ourselves fully, we listen to each other, we support each other’s growth, we set healthy boundaries, their accomplishments bring us joy. These friendships are an incredible gift!
Because so many women can relate to this wound, we want to share some of the steps we took to heal and ways you can do the same.
Examine your female relationships
Look at your relationships with your mother, sisters, female friends from the past and currently, and notice if there are any patterns that come up. Here are some questions to ask yourself:
What is a common theme in your female relationships?
In these relationships, what would you like to bring more of?
Do you feel like you can speak your truth in your female friendships?
Does the giving and receiving pendulum feel balanced?
When you are triggered in your present day female relationships, how old is that feeling? What age are you in that moment?
Do your own work
We have both been doing our individual work through therapy, inner child and shadow work, self reflection, and other healing modalities. When you focus on your own personal healing, you’re showing up in your relationships much more secure and in your power. This helps you be more compassionate with yourself and more empathetic toward your friends.
Treat your friendships as a soul contract
It may sound a little cheesy, but it’s really beautiful when you think about it. Look at your friendships this way: your souls chose one another to heal. This is a sacred contract for the higher good of both your souls.
Establish clear boundaries
Healthy friendships require healthy boundaries. We really respect when our friends set boundaries — it makes us feel safe to set boundaries for ourselves. For example, if you have an intense conversation or a disagreement with a friend (and this happens even in the healthiest relationships), you can set a boundary that you need some space to process before you talk again. You should also feel safe to say “no” to plans with friends and explain honestly why you need alone time. Emotionality can blur the lines, but remember establishing boundaries is a form of self love and love of the other person because it creates a space to be YOU.
Heal in community
It’s beautiful to witness other women truly support each other, hold each other accountable, reflect back to one another, grow together, and come back to themselves in community. If you’re feeling like you don’t have women in your life or in your area who you can deeply connect to, we invite you to find this in the Almost 30 community. We’ve witnessed so many like-minded souls find each other in this community!
We hope this serves you on your healing journey. Remember, wounds can be portals to a deeper understanding of YOU and when healed, a highway to inner peace and positive manifestation.
Want to hear more about the power of female friendship? Listen to our episodes: