Hey guys, Lindsey here. If you had told 25-year-old me what my marriage would look like now, I would have laughed, rolled my eyes, and kept swiping. I had no idea what a healthy relationship really looked like, let alone what it felt like. Dating in my 20s was a time—chaotic, messy, full of high highs and low lows. And while some of it makes me cringe now, I refuse to write off that season. Because looking back, I can see how much it shaped me, how it taught me exactly what I needed to know for the relationship I have today.
For anyone out there navigating dating—whether you’re in your 20s, 30s, or beyond—I hope my reflections offer some clarity, validation, or maybe just a good “OMG, SAME” moment.
The Chase vs. True Connection
I spent way too much time chasing. Chasing texts, chasing attention, chasing people who were only halfway interested. And if you had asked me then, “Do you like the chase?” I would have said absolutely not. But my actions told a different story. Looking back, I realize I wasn’t dating to connect—I was dating to validate. I wanted to be chosen. And I was so focused on that external validation that I didn’t stop to ask myself, Do I even like this person? Do they make me feel safe, seen, and valued?
In my marriage now, connection isn’t about proving my worth—it’s about showing up fully, honestly, and vulnerably. And that brings me to my next big lesson…
Chemistry Is Not Compatibility
That initial rush of attraction? The fireworks? Analyzing every text for hidden meaning? That was my favorite part of dating in my 20s. But what I know now is that chemistry alone doesn’t build a relationship—shared values, emotional safety, and communication do.
There’s actual science behind this: Studies show that the “spark” we associate with attraction is really just a dopamine hit—similar to an addiction. And yeah, I was definitely addicted to the high of uncertainty, of not knowing where I stood. Now? I choose consistency over chaos every single time.
The “boring” things—trust, respect, knowing I’m with someone who chooses me every single day—are what make my marriage feel like home.
Allowing Myself to Be Fully Seen
In my 20s, I only showed the “good” parts of me. I wanted to be fun, easy, low-maintenance—the cool girl who didn’t ask for much. But in doing that, I wasn’t giving anyone the chance to truly know me.
Now, my relationship thrives on honesty. My husband doesn’t just get the highlight reel; he gets all of me—the messy, tired, overwhelmed, deeply feeling parts, too. And that’s the real magic. When you’re fully seen, fully accepted, and still fully loved? That’s intimacy. That’s security. That’s what makes love last.
Healthy Love Feels Like Home
If I could go back and tell my younger self one thing, it would be this: love isn’t supposed to be confusing.
If someone wants to be with you, you won’t have to chase them. You won’t have to decode their texts or convince them you’re worth their time. You’ll just know. Because real love—healthy love—feels like home.
So, if you’re dating right now, my advice is: pay attention to how someone makes you feel. Do you feel anxious or at peace? Are you constantly questioning where you stand, or do you feel secure? Sparks fade, but deep connection? That’s what lasts. And trust me, it’s so worth the wait.
Sending you all so much love—wherever you are in your journey. You’ve got this.
If you want to hear more about dating and marriage in your 20s and 30s, check out these two episodes I recorded:
Add a comment
+ show Comments
- Hide Comments